Tuesday, April 5, 2016


Kebelakangan ini aku memikirkan persoalan relationship ini dengan serius. Sangat serius memikirkan macam mana untuk akhirnya seseorang itu membuat keputusan untuk, kahwin (baca: komitmen). Sehingga lah aku mengambil pendirian dan ketetapan hati (pergh bahaha) bahawa untuk berkahwin, aku hanya perlu pilih lelaki tersebut, untuk aku cintai sepenuh hati. Ianya adalah tentang pilihan yang aku buat. Kemudian aku terbaca penulisan di bawah ini di Tumblr (source). It hits right in the feels.

"A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it. That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life. Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.

After my teacher introduced us to this theory, she asked us, “is love a feeling? Or is it a choice?” We were all a bunch of teenagers. Naturally we said it was a feeling. She said that if we clung to that belief, we’d never have a lasting relationship of any sort. She made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their marriages and why it lasted or why it failed. At the end, I asked every single person if love was an emotion or a choice.

Everybody said that it was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing. They all said that at one point in their marriage, the “feeling of love” had vanished or faded and they weren’t happy. They said feelings are always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation. The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with. The divorced ones said they chose to walk away.
Ever since that class, since that project, I never looked at relationships the same way. I understood why arranged marriages were successful. I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments. I’ve never gone for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. I’ve chosen the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest days. I no longer fear the day someone who swore I was their universe can no longer see the stars in my eyes as long as they still choose to look until they find them again."
Anis, aku dedicate this for you. *Go listen to Andy Grammer song, I Choose You after this :3

Monday, June 29, 2015

Letting you go

"This is not a goodbye, my darling, this is a thank you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever. But most of all, thank you for showing me that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go."
-Nicholas Sparks, Message in a Bottle

Monday, May 25, 2015

Twisted logic

This ain't interpreting Coldplay song, this is a person trying to reason with her heart.

You know you can't reason with your heart.

By the Soul, and the proportion and order given to it;
And its enlightenment as to its wrong and its right;
Truly he succeeds that purifies it,
And he fails that corrupts it!
(Surah As- Sham 91: 7-9)

Wednesday, November 12, 2014


Usia bertambah lagi. Setiap kali merenung ke dalam diri, setiap kali itu lah memikirkan fungsi eksistensi.

Falsafah sangat.

Terlalu banyak pemikiran, idea, manusia, dunia dan semesta yang bermain seputar kepala. Hampir pecah dibuatnya. 

Sukar untuk diluahkan pada suatu bentuk yang boleh difahami sejagat.

Aku cuba tuliskan, pada setiap huruf aku tidak temukan perkataan. Aku cuba lukiskan, pada setiap titik aku tidak temukan lakaran.

Aku tidak mampu untuk menguraikan kekusutan yang melanda.

"Menangis lah jika sedih", pujuk diri sendiri. Aku cuba merembeskan emosi.

"Dia faham kau." Insaf. Ya, kau punya Tuhan yang menjaga dan menyayangi kau selama ini. Dua puluh tiga tahun ini.

Bila kau sangat merindukan Tuhan, ketahuilah Dia lah yang menghantarkan rasa itu.Dia rindukan kau.

"Lindungilah aku dari kemurkaan-Mu atau apa-apa yang mungkin menimpaku disebabkannya.
Hanya kepada Engkau lah aku pasrahkan diri supaya Engkau redha.
Sesungguhnya tiada daya upaya dan tiada kekuatan melainkan dengan Allah"
 -Doa indah Nabi Muhammad SAW selepas peristiwa Thaif-